Is Traveling an Escape?

Written on January 14th, 2015 by David Valdman

I was feeling lost at home in San Francisco. I didn’t know my next step. I was recently unemployed, and felt I had been gifted back a most precious resource: time. So I engrossed myself in the technologies I found interesting but had no time for. I developed for the Oculus Rift, learned about Bitcoin and distributed systems, took online classes in social choice, computer architecture and network theory. The gears were all turning, but there was no traction. I had time, but no direction. And most of all, I couldn’t tell the difference between a distraction, and what I was being distracted from.

Then there was my rent, and the thought of getting another job. Should I face the chaotic frenzy that is a startup again? Should I apply to a more established company? Should I do something myself? What technology did I think had the most untapped potential?

I had lists — many lists — and these questions turned in my head most days. Going from one thing to the next was a form of paralysis. Months went by and though I had all the time in the world, I had little to show for it except half-baked side projects.

There was one thing I was sure of, though. I wanted to travel. It seemed like a great way of delaying a decision I had yet to make. I also knew where I wanted to go: Southeast Asia. It’s cheap, safe, and beautiful.

I moved out of my apartment, put all my things in storage, and bought a one-way ticket. For me, being indecisive has nothing to do with being conservative.

About a month into it, I was talking with my parents when they asked when I was going to come home and confront my situation. They gave me great advice, something I tell myself often: you can’t run from your problems.

But oddly, I didn’t feel like I was running. Maybe at first, but now it felt like the opposite. It felt like I was finding direction, and it surprised me.

Traveling has this ability of simplifying. My life fits into a backpack that weighs 12kg. Each day I have to think about two things: where will I sleep, and what will I eat. I don’t wake up trying to solve a life crisis, and I don’t feel the pressure to. The chatter zeros out. Time slows down as days become uncorrelated. And counterintuitively, I find that not having a routine has the natural effect of centering yourself — as if you’re the average of your combined experiences.

Then you start to miss the things that matter most. And that’s how you know. That’s how you can tell what’s a distraction, and what it’s distracting you from.

Plus, it should go without saying that everyone should leave the Silicon Valley mentality often. All that Kool-Aid rots the teeth.

People want me to come home. But my goal is to come home when I know what it is I want to do when I get there. I don’t have any fantasies of being an expat or traveling indefinitely. But to me, coming home now is the escape. It’s an escape of finding comfort in the familiar. I visualize being home, and being just as lost as when I left, and how sad that would be.

Yesterday marked two months of traveling. Here’s to missing the things that matter most. And to finding purpose, rather than running from it.